♥

This is tough. Really tough.
And it’s even tougher when people don’t understand cos you think you were just a dog. You were never ever just a dog. You were ever-welcome company, a non-judgemental cuddle, endless entertainment, the definition of spunk.

If you just learned to bloody not pull on the lead, none of this would have ever happened. But then you wouldn’t be Odie, would you? I think we gave up trying to tame you long ago. I just had to pick the craziest one of the litter didn’t I? I just fell in love with your big green eyes and tubby face and that was it. I wouldn’t let them take home anyone else.

You were such a perfect dog. Wild and crazy but perfect. But you’d always know when to be crazy and when to calm down. Like when I’d come home you’d knock me down with cuddles and kisses, but if it was a baby or a puppy you’d just let them pull at you And people used to ask, “Does your dog bite?” and I’d laugh. You looked so big and scary but you’d never hurt a fly when it came down to it. Useless guard dog

Seeing you on that table was one of the hardest things I ever had to to. Seeing your big eyes, for the last time, rememebering the first time I saw them, or that time I blinded you with soap when I was giving you a bath When your eye got infected, and I slept beside you in the kitchen cos I just felt so bad, you had to go steal my covers haha.. And seeing your poor busted paw, and remembering how I ran over it with my bike once cos you were too close cos I had you on the lead… so I decided next time, I’d leave you off-lead. BIIIIG mistake. You ran into the neighbours house while they had people over for dinner!
Then seeing your big tail, and remembering the countless times you wagged it and knocked everything off a coffee table or something…
Then seeing your poor bloody mouth… I just wanted to stay there and cuddle you forever.

You were MY dog. Everyone knew that. When the vet was checking your pulse, the whole family was there, but she turned to just me and said, “I’m so sorry, Tegan. He’s gone”. And you’ll always be my dog. The perfect dog.

I don’t know how we’ll do it without you. We can have our underwear back cos you wont be there to eat it, we can have our clothes horse back cos we wont need it for a gate so you wont wreck certain rooms, and we can have a house that isn’t blanketed in dog hair 5 minutes after hoovering. But I’d let you wreck the whole place, and let you eat everything I have to have you back. I miss you already. I miss sleepy cuddles when I come downstairs in the morning. I miss the barking at birds every 5 minutes. I miss when I come home and I see your nose poke through the gate when you’re chilling outside. I miss annoying sloppy kisses. I miss clambering over the clothes horse (which kinda became a permament fixture) to get to the kitchen. I miss not having anyone to eat my leftovers. I miss getting trampled when I see you. I’ll miss not playing fetch, not getting high 5′s, not chasing you around the garden…

I just hope wherever you are, you’ll understand just how loved you were, and how you enriched our lives everyday through the little things, and just by being you. I’m just really thankful for the time I had you.

I will always love you.
Sweet dreams.

x

It’s been a fun mid term. Not what I expected but fun, nonetheless.. My to do list was as follows:

• Find a job.
• Clean…
• Study. A LOT.
• Write a science essay.
• Write an art essay.
• Write notes.
• Write more notes…
• Notes, notes, notes…

Kaaay, I didn’t really manage to do any of  that… But I did manage to help write and record a song then make a video for it. That’ll do.

Soo.. I’ve been thinking about how situations change really dramatically… you just see them coming like a car crash in slow mo, and theres nothing you can do about it. Like when you feel a flu coming on and you think “Oohhh shit” and you know you can’t stop it but you wish you’d just fecking get it over with.

Calm before the storm… There’s drama a comin’. ¬_¬
There’s too many people not talking to eachother. And… Ugh. Too much tension for meeee. The world would be a better place if it was socially acceptable to tell people when they’re being a right arse, right there and then.

In other news. I will be phone-less as of monday.
I am utterly heartbroken. </3

Aaaand…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f-DzVEO7fU
I actually love him. =)

x

Ps.
“I am 99.999999999999% sure he doesn’t feel the same.”
“…and if you’re 99.9999999999% wrong?”

Turns out… It’d be 100% awesome.
x

Awesome night last night to top an awesome week with awesome friends… And I realised a lot in the past week.

• There’s a couple of people I just don’t need. All I can say is, Whatever.
• People’ll stare. They can stare away, it’s just time wasted for them watching me have fun. =)
• I am a lucky, lucky girl.
• My ability to distinguish dreams from reality is slowly deteriorating.
• I think that my heart shall soon burst with love for Joshua Radin. ♥
• Real friends can bring you out of anything.

And I have a really good feeling about the rest of the year. Lots of things to look forward to… Youth group’s starting back, I’m vice pres of the school now (The responsibility of president and half the charisma needed ), Concerts, lots of people to catch up on, amongst other things. All with amazing friends, and not a care in the world about people who don’t matter. It’s looking up. ♥

Wow. I love him. ♥♥♥
(Yea I know. It’s an obsession now. )

“Love love love, wherever we go.”

x

A friend showed me this site, www.givesmehope.com, and basically it’s just people telling of reminders they got of how lovely the world can be.

Yesterday, I got one of the best presents ever.
I was feeling miserable,  not having a nice day, walking home in the rain, my feet completely soaked, and I walked in and saw a card on the counter, adressed to me. When I opened it, all it said was “I love you, Tegan!” in cut out letters from a magazine.

I love when you get your own little reminder of how lovely the world can be. =]

(And Still don’t know who it was from, but if you’re reading this, thankyou for brightening my day). 

xxx

I’ve become a pessimistic grump lately. I feel like one of those people you see having nervous breakdowns and that get upset at tiny things. Like Tom and Jerry! Flipping hell, I was watching it one day and found myself thinking, “What the HELL?! You can’t get hit over the head with a frying pan, and get a lump that big that fast… let alone, have it dissapear within a few minutes! And how can a mouse lift a frying pan in the first place?!”

You know what? I wish I could see past the absolute impossibility of the antics of childrens cartoons. Why can’t I embrace the hilarity of repeatitive chase scenes? Or their sheer slapstick value? Because I have no life, that’s why.

I was watching my dog yesterday, he was playing with a rubber chew toy, and he was thrashing about on his back with it in his mouth, as if the thing was dramatically pinning him to the ground.. That toy was €4.95 in Tesco. I wish I could be as utterly enthralled by anything as much as my dog is by a piece of rubber. But no, I have to bitch about everything.

Ugh. I’m gonna go sulk for a bit cos i’m that much of a grouch.

x

Going to french college. =/

Lovage to all!

x

No, I don’t actually. Cos no one feckin’ reads this anyway.

Well, anyway I haven’t blogged in ages.. Long story, but basically i’ve no laptop to avail of, and I’m too lazy to use the family computer, but i thought I’d make a special effort today =)

It’s been kinda ironic cos for the past few weeks, I’ve been wanting to blog but, alas I couldn’t at all for a bit because I didn’t have any computer… But now nothing’s happening really and I have a computer and… well.. I don’t really have anything of partictular relevence to share with anyone. Except a smile. (I’m smiling now btw ^^,)

Oh! And advice:

• Try not opening up to drunk people at bus stops. They can get handsy.
• Don’t eat three packets of Wotsits in 10 minutes. They’re glorious but that much powdered cheese is just.. it’s just kinda upsetting tbh. :’(
• If you’re in Starbucks, check to see if they have no small cups… subtly! Don’t ask.. you fool. If they don’t, order a small, and they’ll be all, “Soz bbz don’t have small, here’s a medium though” for the price of a small like, it’s amazing.
• Don’t hug people at a bus stop. The bus driver will drive off on you, taking your heart with him.
• Never ever ever ever shave anything with just the refill of a razor.. It slipped and fell and there was blood everywhere and… ugh.
• Stop reading this. Go out and play.. Unless it’s really late, then i don’t think that would be wise.

I’ll shut up.

Love, love, loooove. <3

x

I had a dream…I’m still bummed that I woke up. </3

Italy sucks.  Webtexts are running out. I’m burnt. There’s nothing to do here. Like today, all I did was listen to music and play the DS til 7 pm. Ugh 4 more days. >.<

But:  I love Amy. She slaps me with love. (:

x

I got burnt… and bitten… and there’s nothing to do here. Except get burned and bitten.

And there is no Vanilla Coke in Italy! NONE.  I feel decieved. =(

Agh. I’m going to go sulk.

x

Ps. (Could do with that one nice conversation now that actually doesn’t kill a birra me soul..=P)

Overwhelmed with love yet?

x

Ever really want something but you know you’ll never have the balls to just take it?

I feel like when I was little and there was this massive slide at the Giraffe Centre and I was too terrified to go down it… I wanted to, but I just wanted someone to push me… Cos I knew I could never do it all by myself.

Ack.

</3

In lighter news… Italy is actually full of pizza, I’ve rediscovered my love for nintendo, flip flops = very nasty blisters and I still haven’t gotten my vanilla coke.

Ciao.

x